Mind Matters

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Ever felt alone? Ever put on a brave face? Ever felt that the pressure could be less? Ever felt like you are dying inside? Ever felt overwhelmed,hurt,sad, hurt, misunderstood, insignificant, broken? We all do sometimes. But if we cannot or do not cope and stop functioning normally, it’s called “mental illness” and it is time to consult an expert.

Poor mental health has its outcomes in adults. It exhibits itself in poor productivity at work, personal relationships go for a toss, alcohol/drug abuse, and can lead to social problems like broken families, unemployment, poor health and more.

Family is the basic unit where the child grows. Schools are extended versions where the child learns his first lessons of how to live in society. A good combination of parent child, and child school and parent school relationship leads to a pretty much well balanced life.

Among children it manifests in behaviour disorders, eating disorders, ADHD, Autism, depression and severe mood swings, withdrawing from social life completely. And so many more indications that tell us that all is not well. It cannot be left ignored or untreated. Parents need to seek help from professionals, ignoring all fear of stigma. It is considered a taboo to even acknowledge any mental illness in many parts of the world. In some places people feel shy or apprehensive to meet a therapist for fear of social ridicule. The capacity to cope with stress is different with all children and depending on the support structure, one must not disregard the symptoms. The schools as well as the home is responsible for each child’s healthy mental and physical growth.

Now, when it comes to parenting ,there are a few things to remember. Setting priorities in the house is important. Parents depict to children by their behavior and the conversations happening in and around the house as to what holds most importance, whether it be money, power, relationships etc. Remember that children are sad when you are, and happy when you are, violent when you are… they are watching every move, they are learning. Any amount of lecturing and moral mantras will not help. Because actions speak louder than words.

Addressing emotions of fear, guilt, anxiety, helplessness and grief is very important in every household. Parents must encourage open communication with children and create a trustworthy environment conducive to positive and healthy growth. Let children express themselves without being judged. once the trust is established then they take all the guidance and advice well. Once they are able to articulate their emotions only then can the guardians understand if there is a problem, that is if at all. That is when a counselor will need to step in. The earlier the better.

When it comes to addressing pre-adolescents issues, which is more enhanced in today’s world as the children are growing up too fast due to all the exposure,media, rapidly changing social narratives, hormonal and bodily changes, peer pressure and what not, it is essential to listen to them non-judgementally. They need to be counseled regularly at home and schools. Parents and teachers need to channelize their energies into positive meaningful pursuits.

When talking of parenting, it differs from culture to culture. We in India tend to push the children towards academic excellence which may at times backfire. Demanding good results is normal in our society creating stress in our children. Parents take all the decisions for their children, even going to the extent of choosing their subjects for them! This would be considered atrocious in other societies. In the garb of so called helping their children, at times, parents tend to ruin the decision making abilities of their children.

Speaking of parenting, punishments doled out to children also differs in each society. Indian/Asian parents don’t think twice and hand out corporal punishments freely and without guilt. They may even use force, harsh or hurtful words openly. Physical punishment in the homes in India is not punishable by law. So setting standards differs in all households. I personally think that punishments seldom help children change their attitudes and behaviour. In fact children then get all the more secretive about their actions, in order to avoid severe punishments.

We must remember all children are different, so bringing comparisons and stressing children on such issues is worthless. As it is each child goes through adjusting and understanding society from the time they start going to school. They face competitions, bullying, comparisons, name calling , successes and failures , all of it , and grow through all that. It should be the endeavor of parents and schools to see them leave school as unscarred individuals. At least as much as possible.

All these and more factors are responsible for the mental health of each growing individual in our society and as adults we must be responsible for a healthy development of our children. We are all in a way fighting a war, and are victims of our own devices. Mental health should be encouraged and made conspicuous in our societies. It is as important as physical health. We must tell our children stories of resilience and strength. Stories of love and courage. There is always hope and we must keep trying. The one ingredient that is a never fail pill is LOVE. Keep loving, its a language everyone understands. There is growth where there is love. .